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Four

What does two plus two equal? Four. Four years of marriage on this day and a beautiful family of four. Two plus two.

It is hard to believe it has been four years. How is that even possible? This time last year, I wrote this post we had just found out that there was going to be a new addition to our lives and what a joy he has been. This crazy thing called life has been such a roller coaster for us – from joy, to anger, to sorrow, to the unknown…Mr. Magoo has been through it all with me.

This photo reminds me of it all (thanks Michael Cirelli) – the photograph is perfect. The day was perfect. It had rained that whole entire spring – there were flood warnings everywhere and I had come to terms with the fact that it was going to rain on my wedding day. Then….surprisingly, the sun came out that day – everything was a lush, beautiful green from all the rain – we had just a sprinkle while taking pictures, but that is good luck anyways. I couldn’t believe it – amidst days of turmoil came a place of peace and calm and happiness. I go back to that day in my mind, when Mr. Magoo and I are having a tough time with things…no matter, even if it had rained on our wedding day, we’d make it through – it would have been a perfect day regardless.

The roller coaster continues for us and often times I think that THESE are the times we are being tested, where we need to have faith in one another and know it will work – in good times and in bad…I go back to those words. Some may think we have it so easy, since I stay home, but the opposite is true. Mr. Magoo works so very hard to give his family his all. Working multiple jobs, going back to school to better his education to help his family in the long run. He tries so hard, if his boys only knew how hard he works for them. And me, I sacrifice many girls nights outs or shopping for a new shirt…we both sacrifice and work so hard.

This journey is quite something else, that is for sure it has turned into something even more meaningful with our children along for the ride now too. I’ll tell you though, there is no one who I’d rather be going through this roller coaster of a ride with – because I hate roller coasters, they scare me to death – but Mr. Magoo – he knows me so well…too well sometimes and it’s so great that to this day we “get” each other…at least most of the time.

Happy 4th Anniversary, Mr. Magoo! *smoochies*

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The flowers are blooming.

Even the tiniest plant is pushing through the leaves from last year.

Bees are buzzing… and pollinating…

…and battling each other.

And walks around the yard in the late afternoon with Daddy…

…looking at all that the world has to offer.

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The Good:

Baby Magoo is one month old today – how the heck did that happen??

Little Magoo is currently busy emptying my laundry basket full of clean, unfolded laundry…

Mr. Magoo got a full un-interrupted night’s sleep.

I have coffee.

The Bad:

Baby Magoo was wide awake for 5.5 hours last night – he was yawning and fussy and tired and just fighting sleep, I tried everything in my power to get him to sleep – my breasts were drained from him nursing and nursing and nursing. Finally at 11:30pm I got him to sleep…on the couch…and there I stayed the rest of the night for fear of moving him and waking him up. It was an exhausting and frustrating 5.5 hours.

The Ugly:

Me. I’m a mess this morning.

Oh, and I just got spit up on. On my freshly laundered bathrobe. *sigh*

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January 13, 2001

Yes, you read that right, 2001. That was the night Mr. Magoo and I met on a Saturday night at a local bar/restaurant called Margaritas…nine years ago today – we’ve been together ever since! It is hard to believe…

I was hanging out there with some friends, who had decided to talk with some pretty skeevie guys. Me, I was there to hang out with friends and just enjoy a night out with “the girls”. I had just gotten out of a relationship that was not working out and going nowhere that November and was seriously not looking to date anyone at the time. I decided to stand at the bar while my friends talked to these weirdos…there was a chair in the way and I asked this guy if I could move his friend’s chair (it was empty with a coat on it) so I could get closer to the bar. The guy said, “No, my friend will be pissed.”

Before I knew it I was sitting in that chair talking with this guy who was having a cup of coffee…we talked about everything from just not understanding why men/women had to pick each other up at bars to the fact that we both liked to write poetry. Next thing we knew, my friends had left, his friend had left and the bar was closing. Neither of us had intended to sit there and talk that long, but we did…and well, he had a nice smile and dimples to boot – that’s probably what got me…still I thought nothing of it.

…and well, here we are today 9 years later…married, a house, one beautiful child and another on the way.

I couldn’t be happier – he knows me better than anyone else in this world and I am so happy that God brought us together in life.

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It has seemed FOREVER since I have taken photos…I don’t know why…maybe my lack of energy, lack of motivation…lack of a toddler who will sit still and lack of wanting to drag my butt outside. Yesterday I got the photo bug back a bit – after all there is another holiday on the way!

I skipped past the New Year’s photographs…I should have done them the first year of Little Magoo’s life – I was thinking, Top Hat, diaper…you know, baby new year…but of course Mr. Magoo crinkled his nose at that back in 2009. I’m kicking myself now. Oh well.

At any rate, I now have Valentine’s Day to look forward too and have been working on some things – what they are, you will have to wait to see. I love Valentine’s Day, always have. Despite never getting flowers at work or having a secret admirer…it has always just been a nice little holiday to remind you to tell people you love them. Valentine’s Day was also the day Mr. Magoo and I got engaged, back in 2004 – so it is a special day.

Mr. Magoo was saying to me the other day that it really shows how much I care about Little Magoo, always wanting to take his picture and capture that moment of his life in time – it’s true, he’s the light of my life. I can’t think of a better subject to photograph, I love him so much – so why not celebrate love by taking some V-Day photos…this should be interesting….

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2009 was a pretty good year despite any ups and downs.

In January,

Little Magoo learned how to use a spoon.

Watched his first snowfall.

Squealed with delight!

February brought…

…discovering new things.

Learning to read.

Smiles.

Playdates.

Learning to stand all on his own.

Silliness.

March was a month full of

shared joys,

chubby cheeks,

laughter,

turning points,

and losses.

In the month of April we

had cuddly, quiet times.

Took our first ride in a swing at the park.

Gave looks of mischief.

Sometimes had goofy moments, that often looked serious.

Celebrated Easter in style.

Had playdates in the park.

Napped with our bums in the air.

Played more with friends…

…and gave them hugs.

Lots of hugs.

May was the month Mr. Magoo and I celebrated 3 years of marriage.

We watched Little Magoo grow in amazement…

…as he learned to walk.

We discovered a world of butterflies.

Celebrated Mother’s Day.

Found out our family was expanding.

Splashed.

Helped with chores.

Before we knew it, it was the month of June.

We went and saw Clydesdales,

sand sculptures,

and had our first encounter with the ocean.

In July,

we were very busy, but took the time to smell the flowers.

In August, we spent time visiting lots of farms.

I took the time to take a photography class.

September,

was a time for playing outside.

Taking walks.

Looking at the beauty of nature.

The month of October was filled with wonderful things.

Sitting in fire trucks.

Looking at leaves.

Apples.

Building forts.

Carving our first pumpkin for Halloween…

…and going to parties.

November was a month filled with preparation for holidays…

…and Little Magoo making me laugh, as my belly grew bigger and bigger.

We all enjoyed the holidays and snow in December.

Little Magoo got his first, not so good, haircut…

and we shared our Christmas joy with family and friends.

It was a really good year and I cannot wait to see what 2010 brings for all of us…

…come spring,

summer,

fall and…

…winter.

Life is a constant adventure, full of change.

Happy New Year.

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E.

I thought I was done with it and the odds of my Anti-E titers going up were pretty slim. I was hopeful. But sadly, my titers rose to at least 1:16 vs. 1:8 where the doctors wanted them to be.

I got a message on my machine this morning to give my OB/GYN a call. “Routine.” I thought, “They must have gotten the results of my last blood draw, but I am sure everything is fine.” I called them back and the nurse got onto the phone with me.

“Hi, we got the results of your last titers back…and unfortunately that have risen, so the doctor would like you to go see the Maternal-Fetal Specialist as soon as you can.”

My heart sunk. “OK…”, I said, I could feel myself welling up. No one likes to know their baby is in danger, let alone, from their own mother’s body.

“Can you go today?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“OK, we’ll set up the appointment and give you a call back.”

I bawled.

Before I knew it I was racing around the house getting ready and praying my parents made it on time to watch Little Magoo, so Mr. Magoo and I could get to the ultrasound for the fetal brain doppler on time.

Everything measured and looked great. Baby Magoo is perfect so far (measuring at 5lbs 14oz, with a head of hair) – and the artery in his brain is a-okay with pumping his blood, with no sight of anemia present, which is what the Anti-E Antibody can cause, when attacking the fetus…which could further result in fetal cardiac arrest. The Specialist commented on how wonderful Baby Magoo was, holding nice and still so he could get the perfect look.

Now I go for at least two more ultrasound of the same, followed by an amniocentesis…which I am scared to death of. I do fine with needles and other people, but the thought of a 3 inch needle going through my belly to where my baby is, scares the crap out of me. The amnio will tell the Doctor how well Baby Magoo is doing – because evidentially come 35 weeks, amnio is really the only way to tell. Baby Magoo will also be tested to see if his lungs are fully developed and if so, I will be induced/he will be taken early.

It is wonderful that I am having such great care …but I am so scared, for my child, having to come into this world early. I don’t like the idea of it at all. I don’t like the idea of being induced. I know it is for the best, but it is so stressful. I’d like him to come on his own, when he is ready…but it does not look like things will happen that way.

I was also very saddened by the fact that the Doctor informed Mr. Magoo and I, that we must think long and hard about having any future children, since any subsequent pregnancies will have a higher risk of being affected by the Anti-E Antibody, in my body. It seemed somewhat final in his tone. I don’t like that…the selfish part of me feels that our family may not be complete, I don’t want to think about it…but how could I put another baby through this…and part of me can’t help but feel it is all my fault – my body and my blood working against me.

Mr. Magoo and I have both felt the weight of the stress today and are still absorbing everything we were told today.

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