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Archive for the ‘Inside my mind’ Category

Control

I got to thinking last night, while brushing my teeth, how life really is…something I often need to work on…Life is totally out of our control no matter how much we think we are in control and the soon we accept that, the sooner we can begin enjoying life.

It seems that it is human nature to want to control things, from someone’s behavior to how a project is going to turn out – we want control over everything. But the truth of the fact is, our lives are so completely out of control…because when something happens that we cannot control or have a say in, really, what can you do? Nothing.

We have no control of when our life begins, when we are conceived, when we are born and no control over when we may die…as said in the movie Forrest Gump “I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it’s both.” We may like to think it is “destiny” so that we can put a label and meaning behind it all but really everything in life is a total random act it seems, completely “floating around accidental-like”.

It is what we do with those “accidental-like” situations that make our lives what they are.

So let go of that control and just enjoy the ride…ups and downs and bumpy roads and all.

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Hangover

I feel like I have a party “hangover”. Not a tried and true, I drank too much – but more like…Oh my goodness, thank you Lord for having all that party planning and events over with, feeling!

The big baptism-birthday bonanza is over with now and finally I am feeling a little energy come back, despite the outrageous heat and humidity that is still around these parts. It was a great day though. I am so incredibly proud of Baby Magoo – he did wonderful during his baptism….mostly. I wish I had pictures to share, but alas, I was not the one behind the camera and I don’t want to post pictures of other family members or friends on the good ‘ol ‘net. He was so cute though…Ugh, I love my little Pookie Pie. He got tired about half way through the ceremony and that is when the poor thing lost it. He screamed and cried the rest of the ceremony and was a hysterical mess by the time he got home – so incredibly overtired. I tried everything to calm him and then finally had to leave him to cry a bit…but then he fell asleep…and slept through his whole entire party!

However, while Baby Magoo slept, Little Magoo ran around with joyous laughter of all the people gathered in our home…trying to steal sodas and eating every raw carrot and pepper left on the coffee table with the dip. He cracks me up. I finally wrangled him once everyone was done eating and we got the cupcakes out for everyone…all 48 of them that I made and frosted – thank you Duncan Hines and disposable pastry bags!

Anyways, I sat Little Magoo in his chair, put his party hat on and got his cupcake with his #2 candle on it and we all sang Happy Birthday to him. Although months late, the celebration was still special. Happy Birth Day. The day my baby was born – how those words seem to hold even more meaning with each passing year. He bowed his head and peeked out under his eyes, pretending he didn’t like the attention, but loving every minute of it as a smile slowly appeared across his lips. “Happy Day!”, He exclaimed as he tried to blow out his candle. Such a sweetie pie despite his stubborn streak at times. Love my little guy.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I am the mother to two incredible boys. Seriously, how did I get to be so lucky? I really am blessed – watching the two of them grow and become such individuals is just so amazing. Despite being incredibly stressed out and sleep deprived on a daily basis, they bring me such happiness. The hugs, the kisses…asking for a back rub…legs kicking with pure joy…squeals and giggles…it is the best thing in the world and worth every minute of a party “hangover” – they deserve to be celebrated as they, themselves celebrate life without even knowing.

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Balance

I got to thinking last night about parenting – how difficult it is at times…how my Little Magoo is growing so much every single day. I think back to when he was a baby and it seems such a distant memory as he blossoms into such a unique individual.

I see it every day with his “mommy ME, mommy ME!”, “No Daddy, ME!” He wants to do everything all by himself, without intervention – it is amazing and frustrating and makes me proud and infuriated and sad all in the same breath. Talk about trying to strike a balance. The balance of letting him try all on his own to make his way in the world and the balance of not letting him get too far, or into danger. It is hard to see him get frustrated when he just wants to do it all.

It is a letting go and a holding onto all at once and a struggle to keep everything in that delicate balance.

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We’ve been hit by a heat wave here in the North East.

The days are looking like this…and I am looking like…oh never mind, you don’t want to know.

I’ve opted for sweating out the day in front of a fan, the kids have been napping all morning it seems as I hang out with my hot laptop on my thighs, sweating in my pajamas. Yes, I’m still in my pajamas at almost noon. The shades are drawn to keep the heat out and I hope at some point this week to get cleaning done for the boys’ party. Cleaning in the heat = not fun.

Instead these hot days are filled with laziness…

…with blueberries dripping with water, that snap in your mouth to the sweetness inside.

Painting of toenails, a fun summer color that shimmers in the light.

And sips of cold lemonade as your glass drips with water down the sides.

Anything to beat the heat. Popsicles for lunch perhaps?

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Gatherings

Yesterday we had a family gathering to attend – it was wonderful, we got to see some family members that we only happen to see once a year or so – Aunts, Uncles, cousins and their children – it was great. I love when our family gathers like that and wish that the party could last all day, into the night as we sit and chat and laugh and have cold drinks until our eyes get heavy.

Instead it was a hustle and bustle that a young family deals with. Switching shifts with Mr. Magoo on who was to handle what child – diaper changes, feedings, naps, getting the oldest lunch, time outs, running outside until we were sweaty and hot from the sun, then back in to re-hydrate with little snippits of talking here and there, as we opted to leave early as the children reached their peak, so we could get them home for dinner, bath and bed. It was great though, regardless, we work well as a team and really enjoyed ourselves.

We shared joys and laughs over tantrums, stories of homeownership and recaps on vacations and good news of future family members to join us.

As I headed to bed last night, Baby Magoo awoke for a feeding. I lay in bed, with his warm body curled in next to mine as he nursed and fell asleep. I could see his outline in the darkness and lay awake next to him for a bit, listening to him breathe, feeling his toes twitch and smelling the milk on his breath. I love staying awake next to him like that, listening to him. A perfect way to end the day – reflecting on the love in our family.

It was such a great day and I am really looking forward to next weekend for yet another wonderful family celebration

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Fourth

I cannot believe today is July first already. This year is just going by too fast!

I am looking forward to this weekend. Independence Day is upon us – such a wonderful holiday. We have a huge family gathering to go to and I am excited to see cousins and aunts and uncles and second cousins – It will be wonderful! I’ve played with sparklers and have a bunch left that I am hoping to toy with, for some shutter fun with my camera…but the most important thing about the holiday this weekend? Our country. I love our country, even though there are indeed so many things wrong with it…but we are so incredibly fortunate to live where we live…where we don’t have to worry about daily violence or the government regulating our children.

Despite many American’s struggling financially in today’s economy, we still have the hope of that American Dream…

Freedom.

I would like to thank all the men and women who serve our country who make that freedom possible, who protect my children, despite leaving their own for their duty…giving hope to the future.

Thank you.

I hope you all have a wonderful and safe Fourth of July.

God Bless!

-Mrs. Magoo

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Life, Reconstructed

The older I get, the more I have come to term with certain things in life. Things that need to be left by the wayside.

Change in life is never easy – no, not at all – but you know when you are making a healthy choice and moving away from negative things in your life, things that add nothing of value to enhance who you are as a person. Things of juvenile decent that leave you relying on the approval or validation of other’s or friendships that were never truly friendships, but where people who were just there to make you feel like part of the greater whole…people who made you feel included and in the “know” but never actually truly enjoyed who you are or your company.

Slowly, I am enjoying these changes in my life – a revamp or reconstruction of sorts that has opened up opportunity and space in my life for important and enjoyable things and I am enjoying so many things – improving on my hobby, playdates with friends, dates with Mr. Magoo and writing…which reminds me, I was thinking about that the other day. I’ve always loved writing and here I am blogging…I never thought of myself in those terms but I am a blogger and can officially consider myself so. When did that happen?

I digress. Making the leap you have wanted to make for a while is often difficult, but often the best thing you can do for yourself.

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