Many people think that staying at home is so glorious – yes, I will have to admit that I am very fortunate to be able to be with my child all day and stay around and enjoy my home…but that is also the downside – I am with my child ALL day. I am at home ALL day. Just as working outside of the home has its drawbacks (having to take a day off from work or leave early to care for a sick child or a snow day) – so does staying at home (not getting a sick day when you are sick and having to take care of your sick self and a child at the same time).
I think too, people think we must be oozing with wealth since I get to stay at home too and provide childcare for our baby – but we are not. I still wear maternity clothing because we opt to buy other things we need and have bills up the wazzoo and have cut luxuries almost everywhere (from down-grading cable to eliminating trash pick-up).
I wish I could sit around and eat bon-bons all day, but I don’t sometimes I don’t even get a break, if my child chooses not to nap – or when he does nap, I have the option of eating something (other than just my cup of coffee in the morning – I’m amazed I don’t lose weight), doing chores, making phone calls, showering, getting dressed, or taking a breather…but I only get one of those options…
My day begins at 5:30am almost every day (well, it is really a 24 hour day, but we won’t get into that):
– wake up, breastfeed, change baby
– drink coffee
– make baby breakfast
– let baby play while doing dishes/chores
– play with baby a bit
– put baby down for nap
– check email, do chores, shower
– get baby up, changed
– give baby milk, snack (and have to stay inside if the snack is messy)
– let baby play, or get out of the house for an hour or so
– breastfeed, nap for baby
– take a breather
– get baby up, changed
– give baby milk, snack
– get out of the house for a brief walk (maybe), start dinner, let baby watch TV show
– give baby dinner
– bathe baby, get ready for bed
– breastfeed, put baby to bed
5:30pm the day “ends”. Repeat. All day, every day.
Occasionally there are the small windows of time where Little Magoo and I can get out of the house to meet with friends or run errands, but it isn’t too often, because if I miss his naptime, forget it – my day is even longer….and it is isolating…
Seeing how my days are in and out in and out – and how my husband struggles to pay the bills and goes about doing projects during the day and weekends, taking care of the inside and outside of the home…while again, I get stuck taking care of baby like every other day, has really got me thinking. Do I want another child? Yes, I do. Should I have another child? No, I should not.
Sadly this was my realization today. I just cannot do it. Really, I cannot…I am loosing myself further into the abyss as life passes me by and everyone else goes on.
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